There are women in this world who are more than happy, just taking care of their husband and family. Making meals, decorating their home…hell, I even loved doing that back in the day. There’s nothing more satisfying than making your house all cozy and inviting for your loved ones. But…What are you going to do when the children grow up and move away? Have you thought about that? Because it happens. You better be madly in love with your husband and secure in your marriage, because that is going to be front and center when the kids are gone. All the distractions disappear. All the daily schedules dissolve. No more chaos. Just you and, no offense guys, an aging version of the man of your dreams. Now granted, we aren’t the same either. Are the memories strong enough to keep it together? Are you finally going to start working on your dream? What were your goals, before you made your family life front and center? Did your husband achieve his goals in life, because you were there to take care of the not so glamourous crap at home?
Do you have resentment, because he’s going up in the world, and you lost yourself putting everybody else first?
There are so many women, who get to this point in life, where they say, “now what?” and what’s worse, is they’ve pampered every body with clean laundry, and home baked goods for so long, that when they want to venture out and try something new, the family doesn’t get on board. He won’t get his roast every night for supper. His shirts won’t get promptly ironed. Or worse…You might become successful. You might start making more money than your husband. You might not always be available to babysit the grandchildren.
Ladies…Quit putting your dreams on hold for everyone else! You are part of a family, that means teamwork. They are either there to pitch in, or get out of my way. We are not living in the 1950s anymore. You can still love your husband, and your children, while doing something you are passionate about. It shouldn’t be all or nothing. Life is never all or nothing. So don’t use that excuse. We as women, have learned to juggle many things, to keep the wheels turning. There is no reason, why you can’t take a class, or start selling that craft you are amazing at.
Why do we always put ourselves last? Because we’ve been taught that successful women are demanding. Self-centered. Bitchy. Bitches get shit done, by the way. Some men are threatened by a woman who isn’t just there to satisfy their every need. Who maybe doesn’t need their financial security. Who isn’t afraid to confront them on their bullshit at times.
Women are paid less, because we take off more time when pregnant, or when the kids are sick. We aren’t seen equals in the professional life, because we are married with children. Men are not expected to call in and say they have to stay home with a sick child. Most men don’t sacrifice their job, for the needs at home. Most of the time, the woman’s job, is seen as dispensable. They are not bringing home the money, or the benefits, so they are the ones to take off work and homeschool the kids. How is a woman ever to get ahead, when she is constantly getting pulled back?
Marriage is like a business. Everybody working in that business is important. Everybody has a job to do. Everybody needs to work together. If you don’t go into this rite, or this sacrament of marriage expecting respect, and balance…stay single.
As mothers, we set the tone for our home. Our children are watching us. If you have a gift, or a talent that you are not using, because your kids want homemade chocolate chip cookies every day, and supper has to be ready when he walks in the door…then it will be your fault, that your daughters think that’s all they will be able to do one day. Your son’s will look for women like mom, who wait on them all day. Trust me.
It’s not just marriage I see this happening, it’s in the whole social/ man/woman relationship world. The perfect woman laughs at his jokes, without getting offended. Who doesn’t wear too much makeup, or wear her clothes too tight, as to draw attention to herself. She must remain by her mans side all while they are out, so he can keep an eye on her, and the other men. She must be ready to leave, when he is. I’ve seen women look at their date, and ask if it’s ok to order another drink. Girl…why do you need permission? Get it! They are buying their own drinks and still looking for permission. They get engaged, when he’s ready. They buy a home, or move in together, when he’s ready. They will have kids when he’s ready for her to quit her job and raise them. She will go back to work, when he’s ready. Stop making him the number one priority in your life. What about your needs? Why is it the man’s decision? Quit giving away your power. It’s your life. I know I sound like most men are assholes…But, they will be an asshole, if you allow it. I know this for a fact. You can’t do everything he wants, and bend over backwards trying to be the perfect girlfriend, or wife…then later on change it up. You can’t pull a plot twist. He’s going to feel you don’t love him anymore. Why are you doing this to us. Be authentic in who you are right away in the beginning. You are not his pet. You are a human being. Watch out for the warning signs. If he makes you feel selfish, for wanting something other than just his love…get out. Narcissism at its finest. You don’t need to work…I have plenty of money for the both of us. When we get married, you can quit your job and stay home. Look out for the ones who downplay your goals, or your present life. You won’t need to go out with friends anymore…You’ll be married with a husband. They are only out looking to get laid. Look out for the ones who make you feel guilty, or unfit as a mother, because you want to go back to work, or school, and leave the kids with a daycare, or a sitter. You need to discuss these things before you get married. Find out what is expected of you as a wife, and mother. Don’t think it will get better, with time, because it won’t. It will get worse. You’ll be waiting at home, while he’s out doing happy hour. He works. You don’t. He needs his happy hour to relax from a hard day at work. You sit at home and have fun every day. You don’t need a social life. Don’t start this crap. He won’t love me, or marry me if I speak my mind, or go out with friends. He won’t want to be with someone who makes more money than him. I don’t need to finish college, because he wants to start a family. I can just quit my job, and move to where he wants to go. Whatever…figure this out in the beginning. And yes, set boundaries. Boundaries are not just for keeping people out. They are there to help keep you inside of you too. Don’t lose yourself in someone else’s dream. Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version for someone else. And for all you stay at home moms… lay your future goals on the discussion table. And tell him exactly how it’s going to be once the kids are older. Don’t back down. You’ve done what was expected of you…now it’s your damn turn to experience life to the fullest.
The Musings Of An Angry Woman 