Divine Intervention

Have you ever had second thoughts on a relationship decision?

You know. That person you were so madly in love with. That you still see around, even though you’re not together anymore. The one that insists on remaining friends. You knew them better than anyone, so they don’t want to lose you completely. The one that invites you to come have a drink with them. The one that randomly texts you “how is your day going?” The one that remembers it was your birthday. The one that keeps in contact with your circle of friends. Who always makes sure that they mention your name in conversation, or goes out of the way to ask what you’ve been up to? They are full of compliments whenever you meet up. They are taking an interest in you. More so than when they were intimate with you. But in reality, they are your friend, in name only. They still call you. But only when they need something. They need you to help them with something. You know them better than anyone, so they need to ask you your advice. They get bored, and don’t have anything else going on, so they text “what are you doing” They like to be seen with you in public, to show everyone how well you guys still get along with each other. And people do comment on how nice it is to see you together. How great it is that you can still be friends.

And out of the blue…for no reason at all, you start analyzing why couldn’t you make it work? If you can get along as friends, why couldn’t you make it work as a couple. Was it something I overreacted about? Something I may have overlooked? Maybe if we reconnected, things would be different this time. And you start to second guess your decision. I’ve grown since then. I know myself better now. Maybe they have grown since then. They’ve changed. You know…you were never just friends before. Maybe now that they know the “real” you, things would be different. You even contemplate sleeping with them again. Really?

Isn’t it amazing how the mind can play tricks on you? How it allows you, with time, to forget every sinking feeling. Every unkind word. Every broken promise. Every infidelity.

Then the feels start to creeps in. You recognize them. You start to validate them. You start telling yourself that the feelings are there because you are meant to be together? It must be why…right?

Then by the grace of God, something happens that reminds you all too well, why you left them. Why it didn’t work. And it all floods back to you, like it just happened yesterday. It feels fresh. You are definitely hurt by their actions. Just that one thing, can open up the safe where you hid all those past emotions. How it feels so much more than a common misunderstanding between friends. It’s so much more. And it could be the littlest thing. It could just be just an ignored text message, or a call back. Something might’ve come up on their end, so they had to cancel plans. Or just didn’t show. It could be a sarcastic comment that they made. Or a joke. You might be at the same event, and they go all night without acknowledging your presence. Not even a damn hello. Just those little jabs to the ribs, that remind you all too well, the pain of the twisting knife to the heart. You remember the loneliness. The jealousy. The feelings of insignificance. Abandonment. It keeps you up all night. All night feeling like such an idiot, that you even entertained the thought of rekindling that fire. You search your mind, and try to figure out why? Why would you even forget everything they did to you, and want to start over? Why are you still so-called-friends with this person? Why are your friends still talking to this person? Your ex probably loves the fact that you decided to keep them in your loop. Your bubble. They still get to hold on to a piece of you, that they never really wanted in the first place. They probably giggle to themselves about it. They should’ve been kicked to the curb, but you still have a connection. A “friendship” that you are keeping alive because they surely aren’t giving it any effort.

You do not have to remain in contact with people that hurt you. EVER! Who made up that rule to forgive, and forget? Forgive, maybe. But that’s just for your benefit. Your peace of mind. But never forget dear. EVER. And by “forgive” I mean forgive yourself. Forgive your weak heart and wandering mind. Let it resonate within your soul. Forgive yourself for being so gullible.  Forgive yourself for allowing false hope. Forgive yourself for daydreaming, and fantasizing, instead of seeing the reality in front of your face. But, whatever you do, keep your forgiveness to yourself. You don’t need to profess it. Don’t tell anyone. You don’t need to let the narcissist in on your secret. Giving them the fuel to feed your fire. They love to play around with your feelings. To manipulate. To make you think you are the one to blame for feeling the way you do. What did they do? It’s a process. And you must go through all the steps…again. And when you are ready, God gives you piece of mind. He washes over you and lets you know that you are not an idiot. You are a kind, loving, understanding, gentle being. You love all mankind. You see the good in everyone. You want the best for everyone that comes into your life. You are a good friend. You are a good employee. You are a good parent. You have so many “real” friends. You do not need fake friendships. Not even just for show. Why do you feel the need to prove something to anybody? They were just looking out for their own ass. They didn’t want everyone to see how you just cut them out of your life forever. They didn’t want to look like the asshole. Your friendship benefited them, and them only. They had no intentions of being your real friend. They don’t even know what friendship is. Look at them for what they are. Do they even have any friends? Anyone they can reach out and call, or talk to about anything to? More than likely no. That would explain them staying within the loop. Your friends are good enough for them. Because they don’t need anyone. They have their ego. And that is their best friend.

We all go through this at one point or another. It’s just human to revisit a relationship that at one time totally consumed your life. But trust me when I say that most of the time, a re-take, or a re-do never works out. Sooner or later, the very thing that you ended the relationship for, leaks back in. And it triggers all those red flags that came up before. The warning signs that you intentionally ignored.

Save yourself the effort, and don’t excavate anything buried for a reason. They aren’t in your life for a reason. You consciously decided to move on. You decided to love yourself, more than they could ever love you. Nurture your real friends. The ones you can cry to. The ones that love you even at your worst. The ones you don’t have to hide from.

Cut the cord that keeps feeding you lies. Cut the cord that keeps you tied to them through “friendship”.  You’ll be thankful you did. And before you go to sleep tonight, thank God for his sign. Thank God for showing you, no matter how hurtful it is, that you didn’t make one of the worst mistakes of your life…again.