How many of you out there are on the healing journey? The search for your inner child. The painstaking work involved. Reliving past traumas to better understand your triggers. The rewind of your life events to find the exact moment in time where you lost yourself. We have two choices in life. Stay as we are and give our power over to someone else. After all, we have been brainwashed since childhood that love is making someone else happy.
Or we can put away that bald-faced lie and decide to take charge of our own happiness. But in order to do that, we must find out what makes us tick. Without distraction. Without false promises and sugar-laced words. We need isolation. We need the quiet of our minds. And sometimes, that dark and quiet corner of our mind is a scary place to be.
That is where you store all the pain that you never made sense of. That is the closet full of “I’ll deal with this later” bullshit. It is piled high with broken dreams and malicious words that were spoken to you in anger. All the selfish actions and words from the loved ones you trusted to nurture you and keep you safe. The dust bunnies of fear cover the countless goals that you wanted for yourself. Your dreams and ideas just sitting there collecting the dust of years and years of neglect. That is where you have to start in order to heal your soul.
You need to pick up each discarded emotion and analyze it. You need to ask yourself why you put it there. Who told you to put it there? You need to ask yourself if it is serving you any longer. Do you plan on using it in the near future? And then, comes the hard part. You need to toss it out. You need to get rid of it and sweep up where it sat for years. Decades of rot and decay.
One by one. Emotion by emotion. Dream by dream. Until you can finally rid yourself of the unwanted clutter. Clear the space. And when the last speck of dust is swept from the floor you are finally free. Your work is done. Or is it? For now, you barely recognize the person looking back at you in the mirror. You forgot who he/she was. Here stands your newfound friend and now it is your responsibility to form a relationship with them. To gain their trust. To respect their feelings. To treat with kindness and understanding. To learn their goals and wishes. To hold their hand and let them know you will never leave them behind. They will never be lost again. You will always be there to protect them from harm. You will be there to defend their honor. You will not forsake them ever again. You will vow to be your best friend. And then it is your job to keep your promise.
The Musings Of An Angry Woman 