Planning

I plan to do a lot of things. I meticulously set a date and write down everything hour by hour, on what is to be expected on that particular day. And guess what? More than often, it all turns to shit!

I have a Type A personality. Or so I’ve been told. I don’t think it is a good personality to have, from what I have heard. It means that I want to do everything right now. I don’t like to wait and I don’t like surprises. I get bored easily. I want perfection, and find it very stressful when “perfection” is out of reach. Do any of you out in cyberspace share in my dilemma? I’d say I’m close to being “bat shit crazy”! But…

I have reached an age where I hear the clock ticking so loudly it is hard to concentrate. I am turning 57 on Monday. There is so much I still want to do and feel I need to squeeze it all in while I am still young enough to enjoy it. That’s what I tell myself anyway. Here’s the deal… we all need to settle the fuck down. While I agree that life should be lived to the fullest, I don’t feel that we should be utterly exhausted while chasing that dream we hold on to. Life is short but should be enjoyed.

I recently, in this past month alone, have been working on a workbook for women, planning a garden and landscaping, growing seedlings( my house smells like wet dirt), planning a birthday party, planning an Easter brunch, while carrying on my weekly routine of “have to do’s”. This past weekend all I wanted to do was lie in bed and do absolutely nothing. I have never in my life felt the urge to do such a thing. I literally did my morning chores and crawled back into bed for the rest of the day. BOTH days. Horrifying!! (insert snorting laugh here) All the things that I have to do, and I decided to lay around like a lazy slob all damn weekend. Like everything was going to disappear by me not attending to it!

But you know what happened? Instead of guilt and self-defecation, I felt great! I urge everyone to take a whole weekend and just do NOTHING. Not only did I sort out all the world’s problems, in my head, but I got a handle on why I feel like I have to do everything at this very moment. I listened to a few self-help books on Audible in-between all the series of episodes on Netflix, and decided that I will gladly do it again when needed. It was so liberating to know that I had the power, and the ability, to just do nothing if I chose to do so. I didn’t need an excuse. I openly told people my plan for the weekend and felt justified in doing so. I didn’t care what they thought. I didn’t care about anything for two whole days. I watched mindless crap on Netflix and Hulu and enjoyed it. I shuffled through my Instagram like a champ. I enjoyed reel after reel and laughed my ass off.

I let my journal lay next to my bedside, completely untouched. My laptop was unopened. Just me, the sound of rain, and Bridgerton. The whole season. Hilariously amusing, to say the least.

What I’m trying to convey, is when things don’t go as planned, and the world is falling down around you…don’t freak out. You still have the power to just do nothing. Things happen. And sometimes all at once. There is no humanly possible way you can do everything at 100% capacity. Quit beating yourself up for not doing the impossible. It is not your responsibility to amaze everyone with your dreams and schemes. Have you forgotten that you are doing all these things for yourself? And if not, you should be. You set the timer in your life. You can do things at your own pace. You decide what is important and what can wait. It isn’t a race to the finish. You’ll still be there at the end of the journey.

I will not ruin my mental, or physical health while trying to find my joy in life. That would be self-defeating. Look what I did, but ruined myself in the works.

Don’t let your planner rule your life. If you feel like scribbling out the whole day, then do it. Just because it is written down on a calendar, does not mean it is meant to come to life. Don’t let all that “put in the work” bullshit brainwash you into exhausting yourself every day trying to get to the pot of gold. It will still be there…just later than “planned”. Have a wonderful week, and if you feel like it…have an uneventful weekend. I won’t judge. Carry on.