I don’t know if you all have heard, but I have been trying to regain my footing…again, because I was stupid, and moved out and on from under a very toxic friendship that I have been in for at least 16 years.
One year ago, I watched my “friend” sign papers to purchase a home that we decided we both could live and grow in. AS FRIENDS. Wrong again! He had other plans. Plans to manipulate and shame me into crawling in his bed, once again, so that he could maintain the toxicity of our relationship in tact.
Well, I’m happy to say, that it didn’t happen the way he hoped that it would. I held my ground. I had my own bedroom. My own space. I maintained the home. I took care of all the household chores, and landscaping duties. But I did not crawl back into his web…or said bed. (Insert one pissed off person here)
He wanted me out! Oh, not right away. He would threaten that at least 3 more times during our year together. But when he told me that he had another love interest, and that I need to go, that is when I took it seriously and proceeded to move out. From the end of September until January 1st, my life was a living hell. But I survived. And now, I get to go through the “tell your friend she lost the best thing that she will ever have” bullshit. All the “I still love Paula, but I suppose that ship has sailed” crap.
I wonder if the “replacement” is aware of how remorseful he is about the whole ordeal? Ridiculous! I’m too old for any of this shit, and I’m not going to run out and sleep with the first person that comes along to get even with him. I have evolved since High School. I will remain alone and single, until I decide who is a rightful companion for me.
It is so tempting to put him in his place and find someone to flaunt, but I won’t. Because I won’t do that to another person. And that is exactly what he is doing. He is using another person to punish me, and he don’t give a shit about her feelings. BINGO! Same shit….different woman.
I will not stoop to his level…ever! I will carry on, and hope that one day I can be rid of the hurt in my heart and head from all of this. I want to live out the rest of my life in peace. I will. But until I get there, I will need to vent and let it all out. Thank you for putting up with me and my hot mess. This is going to be good fuel for my next book, which is already in the making. Turn a negative into a positive. Peace out.
The Musings Of An Angry Woman 