Funny how things start to snowball once you let go. I allowed myself time to scream, cry, blame, and plot my revenge. Now all I find is calm. I no longer care about why this happened, or when I get the good karma that I know should be coming. I honestly don’t believe in karma anyway. Bad things happen to good people, and good things happen to bad people. That’s just life. We all catch a break now and then, or we fall flat on our face. Nothing stays the same.
I choose to be grateful. After I cursed his name and wiped my eyes for what seemed the billionth time, I allowed the sliver of light to enter my life and now it floods my eyes with blinding goodness.
I am where I am supposed to be. For now. Because, like I said, nothing stays the same. And while I am here, I am going to cherish it like an iced cold drink on a hot and humid day. This is it! This is where things get turned around and I get back on the horse that bucked me off. This is where I stop making lame excuses for my lack of determination and start doing the work to get me to where I need to be. A new road. Somewhere I haven’t been.
Oh sure, it is scary as hell…but what isn’t? If you actually thought about all the things that you have done, and lived to tell about it, would you do them again? I’m guessing you wouldn’t redo half of the shit that you have in the past. Because not only was it scary, it was harrowing the first time, and I’ll be damned if I’m going through that again. At least the same way that I did before. Experience allows us to choose which route we want to take. I want an easier and more pleasing journey. This time I will watch for the potholes in the road.
I have always loved to express myself in writing, music, and art. I live to learn something new. Something I can create with my hands. I will heal using all the gifts that I have been given, and I plan on using these gifts. I will decorate, plant, sing, paint, and create the beautiful life I have always dreamed of and deserve. I will do it for myself. And in the end, I will hope to share and help someone else get there too. Fuck money. I’m tired of doing things to keep my head above water. I will do what I love and make damn sure I make time for it. I may have a good 25 years left on this earth, if I’m lucky, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to work it away doing robotic mindless crap just for a paycheck.
This is my new chance. This is another start. This is a blank slate. I will embrace the new and shake off the old. No more repeats.
The Musings Of An Angry Woman 