Let It Go?

We have all heard the words “let it go” at one time or another. We get upset about something and chances are, these words were spoken with good intentions, but often, not.

Maybe, a close friend, or relative that didn’t like to see you upset, and were genuinely worried about your mental health. Or possibly, by the person that inflicted the pain, and has guilt, or doesn’t like to be held accountable for triggering the reaction they were asking for.

But what does “let it go” mean to you? I have been the “yes” girl for most of my life. Well, up until now, I have always turned the other cheek, and told myself to forgive and forget, like I was taught to do. I am here to tell you that the only thing that I ever got from that was a permanent footprint on my heart. 

Be wary of those who constantly make it your problem for not letting something go. These people rely on the art of you forgetting their offenses. After all, if you hold them accountable for their actions and set healthy boundaries, how are they ever going to get the chance to hurt you again? 

I will not be chastised for feeling an emotion. Anger is an emotion. Are we to become numb to the crimes against us for the sake of letting it go? I often see it as a major red flag when a man tells me I shouldn’t get so upset about something. Am I expected to give them a “hall pass” and allow them to joke at my expense, or say and do something they already know is going to upset me? If I rebuke or speak up it becomes MY PROBLEM? As I said earlier, anger is helpful in healing. We should be allowed to feel what we feel and be angry or sad. It helps in self-preservation. If it hurts we easily remember it. And when we remember, we try to avoid and prevent whatever caused the pain from happening again. 

Maybe I have lived with the narc way too long, and have trust issues. But just because someone says they are sorry, doesn’t mean it will never happen again. 

I don’t want to “let it go”. I want to remember how a person treated me. I want to remember how they made me feel. I also want to remember how many times they were forgiven for the same offense, but willingly did it again. Repeat offenders are never sorry. EVER. 

Instead of expecting someone to overlook and forget, why don’t we ask why they should? What good will come from them turning a deaf ear, or a blind eye to something that was done to hurt them? That to me, doesn’t seem healthy at all. We do not know the demons that exist in someone’s past. We do not know the struggle in someone’s mind. We do not have the right to manipulate how someone feels, or reacts to something, just to lessen the cruelty inflicted on them. To make us less of a monster for committing the crime. “It was just a joke”! “That was so long ago…you need to get over it”! No, I don’t. And I probably won’t. Maybe you should stop being a repeat offender and actually hold up to your apology. Even then, I may not forgive and I definitely will not forget. It may be a cross to bear in my life, but you will also feel the weight of it on your end. It may take months or years to let it go. Or, it may never happen. And that is ok. 

Sometimes not letting it go will change your life for the better. It opens your eyes and allows you to see people for who they really are. It may teach you things that you never knew about yourself. It may cause you to look deeper within for reasons that you feel the way you do. I say, hold on for as long as you need to. 

So, the next time someone offers you the advice to just let it go, I want you to look them dead in the eye and ask them why? What will happen if I just let it go? Call them out. Make them answer your questions. Make them squirm just a little, like they so willingly made you do when triggering your reaction.