Hi there! I am another year older today. I don’t know whether I should celebrate or spend the day home crying on the couch. I’m extremely happy to be able to live another year.I have lost many that weren’t even the age I am today. But at the same time, I’m extremely disappointed because I feel I haven’t had my shit together long enough to get everything I wanted to do in life done.
I did all the things that other women do. I’ve been married, and I raised my kids. I may not have done either one eloquently enough by some standards, but I have happy, generous, and outgoing children, so I must have done something right. As for my marriages… they were terminated to save my mental health. It turns out i’m not really good at picking out life partners. That’s probably why I stopped. But I feel they gave me inspiration for what i’m doing now. So they weren’t a total loss.
The year 2020 was the turning point for me. That’s when I started to dig deep into my past, trying to make sense of it all. I found that I was the major contributing factor in my problematic life. I was allowing behavior that shouldn’t be tolerated. I was covering it up with fake smiles and alcohol. I was struggling in silence. And why?
I wish I would have came to my senses twenty years ago. But the fact of the matter is I no longer keep my mouth shut. At my age, I find it impossible. My only birthday wish is that I am able to live long enough to enjoy the fruits of my labors.
I want to know that I am actually helping somebody in making their own lives more tolerable. I would love to see my book published by a reputable publisher and see it on a bookstore shelf.
I would like to start writing another book. I want to become more serious about my podcast. I want to be able to buy my own home, so that I have something to leave my children one day.
59 years old. What will it bring? I know what it won’t bring. Unnecessary drama and repeated trauma. I am devoted to myself and a peaceful life. If nothing else, I hope to one day be remembered for living a life that I created by my decisions.
Cheers to another trip around the sun!
The Musings Of An Angry Woman 