There are a lot of gurus on social media that have the answer for all of your problems. How to love yourself. How to land your dream job. How to start living the life you have always wanted. The list goes on and on. Lately, I am seeing a lot of posts on narcissism. I think the world has finally accepted the fact that such monsters exist in our everyday life. It has become so evasive that you need to be aware at all times. It feels like you are on defense the whole damn day looking out for red flags and evaluating everything that is said to you. Exhausting!
Four years ago, I didn’t even know the narcissist existed. Now, they are everywhere! Looking into my healing journey I started in 2020, I have come to find that even my own mother is the epitome of the word. I was raised by a covert narcissist. Which explains a lot of why I am the way I am today. Not only did I have to recover from past relationships…but now I have to heal from my fucked up childhood. But, it doesn’t stop there. My toxic relationship with my mother went way into my 40s and contributed in how I raised my children. I exposed them to her almost on a daily basis.
It’s a lot to handle sometimes, but I am doing it. I have forgiven myself and have become my own savior. I have become the best friend I always needed in life. Now, back to the reason why I am posting this. So many “love, peace, and happiness” promoters have given the advice to “just let them”. Just let them what? Let them dislike you? Yes. Let them cut you out of their lives? Yes. Let them slander you and make a fool of you to their “posse”? NO. Let them make you out to be a liar? NO. A hard NO! Every time the narc willfully approaches you in private, with their sweet words of love and begging for your forgiveness and their promises to change if you would only come back to them. Every damn time they talk out of one side of their mouth, only to spew their damage out of the other side the next day…I expose them. And why not? What did I do? They approached ME. I kept my end of the bargain by maintaining low or no contact.
When you are out in public, and people see only their side of the story…that’s fine. Let them think what they want to think about you. Do you really want these fickle and fake-ass people as your friends? Who cares what they think. BUT….when they approach me with their adoring tales of how their narc friend isn’t the monster so many people think they are…BAM! I appear in my cape as a superhero to the rescue. It is my job to save others from unnecessary harm. My advice to you, is to talk amongst yourselves somewhere where I cannot hear you.
Exposure is the narcissist’s worst enemy and I will use it to their disadvantage. They move in silent circles. They tell the right people, knowing it will get back to you. Even though they are not present in your circle any longer, they will make damn sure that their poison will trickle in somewhere. They are masters of what they do. They will sit back and wait for as long as it takes, knowing that sooner or later, you will once again taste it on your lips. They are precise and deliberate in what they do. They know who to talk to. And most of the time, they are talking to a close friend or family member in private. Someone you trust. It’s always someone you trust. That is their greatest weapon in their arsenal.
I will not leave it alone. I will not keep quiet in my life experiences, if it means to help someone else in the same situation. My advice to the narc…keep my name out of your mouth. Because it is going to backfire on you. Pretend that we have never met. Move on with your life.
I started writing a book 2 years ago. I contemplated even publishing this book, since it will imply a certain person involved. Even though there are no names, the small community that I live in, will just come to the conclusion that the book is only about a certain person. It is not. I have lived with a narc for all of my childhood and most of my adult life. It was a vicious circle that I couldn’t escape…until now. I published this book. I once read that to be a great writer, you have to write your story as if the person that you are writing about, will never read it. Well, I took that advice to heart. What did I do, other than believe, trust, and love the people that tormented me? Why should I have to remain silent in order to protect them? So that they can continue their acts of cruelty on someone else? So that they can go through life unpunished for all the sins that they deliberately committed against you? I will not remain silent.
My belief is that if they were so worried about their reputation, then why do they continue to repeat the same thing, over and over, with different people? Do they not think that one day, someone just might speak up? Duh..duh duh duh. They are only brilliant in their manipulation. They are actually dumb when it comes to everything else in life. They live through their victim. They don’t teach themselves anything. They can read a whole book, and get nothing out of it at all. They don’t remember shit like that. Movies, books, conversations, memories…not important. The only thing that gives them purpose in life is to stalk and breakdown their victim of choice, while looking like a complete gift of god to everyone else.
I have been told to “just get over it”. “Life is too short to hold a grudge”. “Just start having fun”.
Until you have been in my head. Until you have been in my bed. Until you have walked beside me for the whole day and hear and see what I see…don’t even try to give me advice on PEACE. I appreciate your endearing motive in making my life easier for me. But, just kindly shut the fuck up. Go back and sit with your “friend” at your table and get away from mine.
I will go to my dying days exposing every move that the narcs in my life make. It is now my mission. I will not have a friendly conversation with you or them. I will not keep the peace by hiding my true feelings. The only good the narcissist has done in my life, is given me the motive, and unending drive in writing my blogs, and my books. I couldn’t have done it without you.
The Musings Of An Angry Woman 