FORGIVE. The bible tells us over and over again to forgive others. To “turn the other cheek” and allow the abuse to continue. Hmmm…I’m not seeing where that is a helpful hint on how to live a peaceful and happy life. I’m not sure if the Bible is a credible piece of advice, when it completely contradicts itself on more than one occasion. It tells us to do one thing, and then tells us to do the opposite of what we just read a few pages back. I believe it to be a “guide”, and it is to be interpreted differently by each reader.
It is known that Jesus himself, disassociated with certain people. He distanced himself from the Pharisees, who he considered hypocritical and full of misinformation. He would walk the countryside and visit the outlying small villages, as to avoid them. Proof that even though you forgive someone, you do not need to surround yourself with people that mean you harm. How are you to do great things in life, if you are near negative and hurtful people. You need to branch out and walk away.
I have a certain family member that considers herself to be a very religious. person. This same said person, has used the teachings of the Bible and the Catholic church to continually tell us that we need to forgive, or we will most definitely feel the fires of hell. The same person repeats the hurtful and toxic behavior over and over again, then apologizes with the expectation of being accepted with open arms and a forgiving heart. In other words, leave the door open for her to get inside and do it again. We are to forget what was said and done like it never happened. I have experienced 60 years of this and it can leave you feeling bat shit crazy.
I find it harder and harder to be near this person. It is like walking on eggshells trying not to trigger and angry response from her. I mostly just smile and nod while she is speaking, even though I want to lash out and set her straight. She likes to compare relationships with ours and continually reminds me of how other families care for each other and love each other NO MATTER WHAT. How they are MUCH WORSE in their behavior, and still have a loving family to comfort them in their time of need. I am exhausted and emotionally drained. I can no longer find myself in the presence of this person and will feel physically ill when I need to take them to an appointment or on an errand. Ugh!
I feel no more empathy for this person who refuses to change. I have detached myself mentally and am working on going low contact in order to preserve my mental health. I have given ample opportunities for a new start. But to her, new starts are just the beginning of repeated situations. They see no wrong in their words or actions, because God has forgiven them and you should too. I wouldn’t have anything to do with this person if they weren’t related. So why do I continue to open the door to my heart? Why do I keep letting them take their cheap shots and attack my mental well-being? They happily chip away at my shield in the name of the almighty. “I am family. No one knows you better than me. You had better listen to what I say if you want to get to heaven.” Honor. Respect. Forgive.
So many years spent evaluating bad behavior, instead of calling it what it is. Narcissism.
I am here to tell you that you have the CHOICE on whether to forgive, or not. You have the CHOICE of continuing relations, or cutting them off from your life. As long as you wish them no harm in life, you have every right to break free and live your life without them. That means family members, co-workers, certain businesses, friends, partners and lovers. You do not have to step foot into a place where you are not welcome. That includes your family home.
I have recently lost two people under the age of 55 years of age. It has forced me to pay attention to my own mortality. If given the gift of knowing the day of my death, I would not spend it with people who purposely have gone above and beyond in hurting me. I am no longer in charge of your forgiveness, in order for you to feel guilt-free. I will not be a participant in your religious antics that you have twisted in order to work to your advantage. I break free on this Easter holiday. I roll away the stone of my past life, and walk freely into my future. It’s OK to let go. Stop living in the tomb that you have allowed others to hide you, and begin again. You are not God. You are human. You are created to receive love and to share love. Your body and mind was perfectly created to set you apart from everyone else. You are one of a kind with your own fingerprint. Your own opinions. Your own emotions. Your own thoughts. Your own goals and dreams. Stop choosing what hurts you.
The Musings Of An Angry Woman 